a moment to remember

definitely

it brings back the feeling of being cherished, of how far one is willing to go for someone special

as i ate what he bought, i tasted the sweetness from his heart and i was truly touched

the rain has ended, and i'm looking forward to seeing the rainbow

line-dancing

I had a really warm feeling watching the old men and women line-dancing at the amphitheatre near my block today. I wasnt sure whether it was the oldies music or seeing how much they were enjoying themselves that made me smile and continue to watch for almost an hour. Somehow it reminded me of the simplicities in life we often tend to overlook or ignore and I wished I could share the feeling with someone who would understand exactly what I meant. (That someone probably needs to have as much free time as I do as well)

Throughout the entire hour, I was watching a particular old lady who shook her butt in a really cute manner. With a hairband on her head, dangling earrings and a small sling bag over her shoulders, she looked almost like a kid who was lost in her own world, not even noticing that I was observing her from 2-3 metres away. I laughed a couple of times when she threw her arms in the air and twirled and it kinda made me feel like dancing along. Maybe I would join line-dancing when I'm older. That's if I'm not stuck in the office, stressing over line drawings and construction details.

will i be richer within the next few days

News has it that the result of the competition i joined with a few of my peers will be out within this coming week! Of course we are all eyeing on the first prize, which is a grand total of 20k usd. It was the moolah which drove us throughout the competition anyway. But honestly, I'm not really sure whether we would stand a chance at winning even the consolation prizes since it's an international competition. If we dont, I think Pinjie has already prepared the appropriate its-the-experience-that-matters-speech for closure, being the politically-correct person that he is well known for.

Well, I also found out today that Lai Chee Kian is an eccentric man with no family and friends. Somehow I find that almost intriguing. I wonder how he leads his life, from day to day as a professor in NUS, alone. I'm sure there are many others out there who are just like him and I'm really curious to know what's going on in their minds, especially when they see themselves in the mirror first thing in the morning.

Are they happy? Do they even feel lonely? Do they see themselves as geniuses who just cant seem to mix with the normal crowd? Or do they see themselves as losers?

These group of people are definitely of a different breed, lost in their own world of thoughts and sometimes I wish I could just experience being them for maybe a day.

we are all innocent

we are, we are all innocent, we are all innocent

we are, we are

or at least we hope to be.

Finally, something uplifting for me today. Over the past few days, I've been pushing myself to produce something worth presenting to my tutor after not seeing him for more than 3 weeks. And I guess it went pretty well since i couldnt stop smiling to myself after leaving his office. All those visits to the redlight areas have finally paid off! And oh, if I've never mentioned this before, I'm writing a dissertation on the redlight areas in Singapore, mainly on the spaces in which sex trades occur. I guess I could be a sex tour guide after this, if plan A doesnt work out for me.

Maybe I'm back as the nerdy, workaholic Mel. The reason being that's all I know how to do at this moment. And please, no extra care needed. The last thing i would want to feel now is like a candy infested by ants. Or rather a large ant.

random

i finally watched the finale of Greys Anatomy season 5 this afternoon and i must admit that i was pretty affected by it. call me emo, but it really made me realise that everything around me is only temporary. and that includes my own life, for i may wake up with a cancer tomorrow or i may even get hit by a bus on my way to cold storage later. well, if that really happens i'm not really sure whether i would regret all the decisions i've made for myself. probably i will.

i've learnt over the past 2 years that things are not always in black and white. and i wonder how did i grow up thinking that they were. could it be the type of education i was exposed to that shapes my personality, maybe. but it is also a battle of nature against nuture, an old rivalry that would never end. somehow i feel that i'm in the grey zone at this moment, not knowing whether i would ever get out of it. am i happy, sometimes. am i not, sometimes. is the grey zone a good thing, maybe. is it bad, maybe.

everything seems to be floating now, do i want it to stop, i dont know. 

i removed all my postcards on the wall, including his drawings

but now the wall reminds me of the emptiness i'm feeling inside

and i keep asking myself whether this is the right thing to do

whether i'm strong enough

because at this very moment, i feel like i could crumble anytime

most of the time

i tend to not care or think too much about things.
but when it comes to something i truly care about, my mind works the opposite way and over-analyses matters to provide logical reasons for me to grasp and understand. however, today i realised that some things are not meant to be reasoned by logic, nor can it be explained by mere words. there are flaws in everywhere and everything you see in life i guess, but what matters most is how you center your focus and choose your way of looking at it.
beauty is often enough taken for granted, and somehow it can always be overshadowed by the slightest tinge of darkness and evil. that beauty which was once the light in your life, then, becomes dull and blunt, lost amidst the shadows.

i guess the best thing to do in any and every situation is of course to always take a step back and look at the bigger picture. then probably you wouldnt even notice the tiny poisonous black spots.