BUBBLES OF RANDOMNESS

A weekend of the past

2010-12-10T11:41:00.002+08:00

Recently, I made a huge decision. And I hope it was the right thing to do. I threw away most of the things from my past relationships because somehow it’s been affecting the present in more ways than it should. It was one of the most difficult things to do and I felt like I was erasing parts of myself. Amidst all the tearing and breaking, two songs came to mind:

‘..why do all good things come to an end..’

‘..players only love you when they’re playing..’

The weirdest part came right after that when I saw mr flannery’s msg on my msn, thanking me for believing in him when we were together and that he will always have the same faith in me. And when he thinks about the times we had together, he is truly thankful. I am (was) the best or one of the best thing that happened to him (?). I got so freaked out when I saw the message that I closed the window immediately. Talking about perfect timing, it was as if he had a hidden camera in my room and he was watching me throw away the things we had together.

One of my close friends thought that it was a sweet (although really sudden) gesture on his part. But I wasn’t touched the slightest bit. I did not understand what was the use or purpose of saying that to me after so long. It made me feel bitter for if I was truly the best thing that happened to him, he would not have let me go so easily. Almost too easily.

Not too long after that, Jun messaged me on msn to say that he will be visiting Singapore with his girlfriend and he would like to meet for lunch. He hasn’t changed one bit, at least appearance-wise and at certain points I felt nostalgic. He was after all my childhood sweetheart. That being said, I am happy for him and Sandra. They look like they belong together and I have to admit that I’m liking her quite a bit too. Ha.. so much for wanting to be the nasty ex, I ended up hugging her goodbye and it felt genuine.

It was like a weekend of the past, with both ex-es suddenly emerging out of nowhere. Thank god I only have 2.

someone said to me recently

2010-10-19T19:09:00.003+08:00

that i'm an old soul.

i guess that is because i find myself slowly gravitating towards the classics. i cant really pinpoint the time when i started to change but i guess it has to do with my bf. he's an ANCIENT soul by comparison. and somehow along the way his likings for old stuff influenced my perception on life in general. not too long ago, i purchased a gramophone from the thieves' market for a sum of SGD220. although the uncle fervently assured that it is a piece of antique, i am skeptical. so the purchase of a gramophone led to the purchase of vinyl records and then it led on to another purchase of a turntable for the bf when we stumbled upon a rather quaint record shop at a very quiet corner of singapore. stepping into the shop almost felt like stepping into a time machine back to the era of the 80s. i was pleasantly surprised by the number of records and people enjoying these records as i took a glimpse around the shop, given its 'ulu' location. The owner was very friendly and helpful, as though the mere sight of people sharing the same passion as him delighted him.

my point of writing this? i dont know it myself. but lately, as i get closer to these items of the past, i feel a sense of connection that i cant quite describe. sometimes i imagine myself to be going through life the same motion a girl in the 80's would. would i be checking out the record store every time a single or album is released? or would i be flipping through the same music list? and each time i hear a record being played on my gramophone (with all its crackles) i imagine a wedding ceremony being held, the bride all dressed in vintage style dancing away with her dad.

maybe the right term for it is nostalgia? but how can i be nostalgic about something i have never experienced before?

evolution

2010-09-30T00:14:00.004+08:00

one of the things i believe in life is definitely the darwin's theory of evolution. not too long ago, i found a book in my bf's room which explains the origins of our facial expressions. as we all know, all our expressions are controlled by muscles and of course our jaws. so long before the muscles and jaws evolved to what we have today (approximately 520 million years ago?), we are essentially faceless marine creatures called the Pikaia (so we're not solely the descendants of the apes). It looks like the empty plastic case of a biro pen with an opening on one end that was able to inhale water and sift out food particles. with that, we are thus able to form some conclusions that the most primitive feature of our face is the mouth. it makes sense actually, for survival is the main reason why we still exist and no one can survive without food.

based on the theory of evolution, i also believe that the male species have changed over the past few decades. there was a time when chivalry was perceived almost like an innate etiquette which need not be taught and there was also a time when men acted as if women owe it to them for their existence in this world. often enough we are being told that women are complicated and difficult to understand while men are the complete opposite. well, i beg to differ. perhaps there was a time when they were simpler and easier to understand but they have evolved, most if not all. the distinctions between men and women, hormones and reproduction organs aside, are becoming increasingly blurred as their thoughts and intentions are now more difficult to comprehend. during the casual chats with my girlfriends, our conversations usually revolve around the difficulties in understanding certain actions or inactions performed by a certain male company and i wonder whether it is possible that one day, the roles will be reversed where women will take on the role of being the simpler and easier to understand counterpart.

and it is all in the name of EVOLUTION

p/s: just to clarify, this is NOT me lashing out at my bf after a heated argument

a moment to remember

2009-09-08T03:19:00.002+08:00

definitely

it brings back the feeling of being cherished, of how far one is willing to go for someone special

as i ate what he bought, i tasted the sweetness from his heart and i was truly touched

the rain has ended, and i'm looking forward to seeing the rainbow

line-dancing

2009-06-08T02:53:00.003+08:00

I had a really warm feeling watching the old men and women line-dancing at the amphitheatre near my block today. I wasnt sure whether it was the oldies music or seeing how much they were enjoying themselves that made me smile and continue to watch for almost an hour. Somehow it reminded me of the simplicities in life we often tend to overlook or ignore and I wished I could share the feeling with someone who would understand exactly what I meant. (That someone probably needs to have as much free time as I do as well)

Throughout the entire hour, I was watching a particular old lady who shook her butt in a really cute manner. With a hairband on her head, dangling earrings and a small sling bag over her shoulders, she looked almost like a kid who was lost in her own world, not even noticing that I was observing her from 2-3 metres away. I laughed a couple of times when she threw her arms in the air and twirled and it kinda made me feel like dancing along. Maybe I would join line-dancing when I'm older. That's if I'm not stuck in the office, stressing over line drawings and construction details.

will i be richer within the next few days

2009-06-07T00:53:00.002+08:00

News has it that the result of the competition i joined with a few of my peers will be out within this coming week! Of course we are all eyeing on the first prize, which is a grand total of 20k usd. It was the moolah which drove us throughout the competition anyway. But honestly, I'm not really sure whether we would stand a chance at winning even the consolation prizes since it's an international competition. If we dont, I think Pinjie has already prepared the appropriate its-the-experience-that-matters-speech for closure, being the politically-correct person that he is well known for.

Well, I also found out today that Lai Chee Kian is an eccentric man with no family and friends. Somehow I find that almost intriguing. I wonder how he leads his life, from day to day as a professor in NUS, alone. I'm sure there are many others out there who are just like him and I'm really curious to know what's going on in their minds, especially when they see themselves in the mirror first thing in the morning.

Are they happy? Do they even feel lonely? Do they see themselves as geniuses who just cant seem to mix with the normal crowd? Or do they see themselves as losers?

These group of people are definitely of a different breed, lost in their own world of thoughts and sometimes I wish I could just experience being them for maybe a day.

we are all innocent

2009-06-03T03:04:00.004+08:00

we are, we are all innocent, we are all innocent

we are, we are

or at least we hope to be.

Finally, something uplifting for me today. Over the past few days, I've been pushing myself to produce something worth presenting to my tutor after not seeing him for more than 3 weeks. And I guess it went pretty well since i couldnt stop smiling to myself after leaving his office. All those visits to the redlight areas have finally paid off! And oh, if I've never mentioned this before, I'm writing a dissertation on the redlight areas in Singapore, mainly on the spaces in which sex trades occur. I guess I could be a sex tour guide after this, if plan A doesnt work out for me.

Maybe I'm back as the nerdy, workaholic Mel. The reason being that's all I know how to do at this moment. And please, no extra care needed. The last thing i would want to feel now is like a candy infested by ants. Or rather a large ant.

random

2009-05-30T14:40:00.003+08:00

i finally watched the finale of Greys Anatomy season 5 this afternoon and i must admit that i was pretty affected by it. call me emo, but it really made me realise that everything around me is only temporary. and that includes my own life, for i may wake up with a cancer tomorrow or i may even get hit by a bus on my way to cold storage later. well, if that really happens i'm not really sure whether i would regret all the decisions i've made for myself. probably i will.

i've learnt over the past 2 years that things are not always in black and white. and i wonder how did i grow up thinking that they were. could it be the type of education i was exposed to that shapes my personality, maybe. but it is also a battle of nature against nuture, an old rivalry that would never end. somehow i feel that i'm in the grey zone at this moment, not knowing whether i would ever get out of it. am i happy, sometimes. am i not, sometimes. is the grey zone a good thing, maybe. is it bad, maybe.

everything seems to be floating now, do i want it to stop, i dont know.

most of the time

2009-04-16T16:36:00.002+08:00

i tend to not care or think too much about things.
but when it comes to something i truly care about, my mind works the opposite way and over-analyses matters to provide logical reasons for me to grasp and understand. however, today i realised that some things are not meant to be reasoned by logic, nor can it be explained by mere words. there are flaws in everywhere and everything you see in life i guess, but what matters most is how you center your focus and choose your way of looking at it.
beauty is often enough taken for granted, and somehow it can always be overshadowed by the slightest tinge of darkness and evil. that beauty which was once the light in your life, then, becomes dull and blunt, lost amidst the shadows.

i guess the best thing to do in any and every situation is of course to always take a step back and look at the bigger picture. then probably you wouldnt even notice the tiny poisonous black spots.

i would die for a house like this

2009-03-13T17:12:00.003+08:00

HHF architects

what i have been doing for the past 2 months

2009-03-09T23:19:00.003+08:00

Braids 87cm x 55cm

look what strange toys i have

2009-03-09T23:00:00.005+08:00

and i love them all equally

and so she sent me her invitation card

2009-02-12T14:30:00.003+08:00

my drawing of the peacock can be viewed here!

a stranger lifted my spirits today

2009-02-06T14:26:00.004+08:00

Response to 'peacock'

Jules February 5, 2009 at 10:20 am

I love it! I used it as a base to work from for my wedding invitations. There is now a beautiful purple, yellow, and sepia-toned peacock (drawn with calligraphy ink) in the bottom right hand corner of my invitations. I can send you a copy of my tribute drawing if you like. My fiance and I are getting married in a local park which is home to 21 peacocks. So a peacock on the invitation works quite well and when I searched images of peacocks yours was certainly the most captivating. Thank you!

best, Jules

she used my drawing of the peacock for her wedding invitation! how honourable it is to be a part of a romantic union of two souls i never knew.
although i could have charged her for copyrighting!

2009-02-05T00:22:00.002+08:00

i wonder which is more difficult..

to get to know a complete stranger

or to get to know a friend you've lost in touch with

all over again

CNY 2009

2009-01-27T23:51:00.008+08:00

if you send your scorpion for an x-ray examination

2009-01-23T11:17:00.001+08:00

look at what RHINO can do

2009-01-22T16:00:00.006+08:00

the real thing, clover by sander mulder at http://www.yatzer.com/1296_clover_by_sander_mulder

the fake clover by melannie yeo

ok the bricks aren't convincing enough, but that's the only brick picture i have with me at the moment. RHINO is GOOD!

can i quit please?

2009-01-20T14:24:00.003+08:00

you know the saying,' if you don't like your job, just quit'?
well i figured that it only applies to the rich. not if you're living away from your parents in a different country or if you have bills to pay at the end of every month.
or maybe its not about being rich after all,
maybe it is more about you not having the guts to be a little more adventurous
and you pretend that complaining about it actually helps

old ruins make artistic backdrops

2009-01-07T11:36:00.005+08:00

where did all the fireflies go?

2009-01-06T18:11:00.001+08:00

time to reminisce

2008-12-31T11:53:00.003+08:00

summary for year 2008: achieved nothing spectacular except for the few kilos around my thighs, arms and tummy

resolution for year 2009: to achieve something spectacular and shed that few extra kilos

da di da di da~ self potrait

2008-12-03T14:01:00.004+08:00

Kings of Freedom competition

2008-11-01T19:35:00.004+08:00

we won top 5!

to view our design, please go to THIS!

somehow i cant hide my disappointment of not clinching the first prize, worth 40k. I hope better luck next time, if we were to join another competition anytime soon.

reach out for your bubbles of dream

2008-10-21T17:44:00.002+08:00

one thing about sending people off is that

2008-10-21T11:54:00.001+08:00

you'll realise everyone is moving forward but you

my first appearance in an architectural video!

2008-10-13T10:15:00.001+08:00

http://www.fivefootway.com/2008/10/10/lekker/

and yet i was sms-ing all the way and saying inappropriate things

BLEH

and so i stole one from the shimmering black sky

2008-10-13T10:02:00.002+08:00

twinkle twinkle little stars

2008-10-09T23:31:00.001+08:00

how i wonder where you are

up above the world so high

like a diamond in the sky

'why do i sit in front,'

2008-10-02T14:26:00.004+08:00

asked the taxi driver when I was on my way to Nparks HQ for a meeting and mind you, this was not the first time I got asked that very same question.

'i dunno... habit i guess'
thats what i replied him

and then he went on to list the advantages of sitting at the front seat as compared to the back (i wonder why tho, as if he was trying to imply that i did the right thing??) :

1) i get a clear view of the road
2) i could have an interesting conversation with the taxi driver, which would definitely make his
drive more pleasurable
3) i would be more prepared if there's any possibilities of an accident (and then he said touch
wood)
4) i cant remember, i was busy reading text messages on my mobile

so on my way back, i decided to give it a try, to be like all the other girls... and sat at the back instead.

it felt weird. and i didn't like that feeling.

which made me wonder, this issue had never struck me before until cab drivers started asking me the same question. and i realised at home, my sister and i had this weird understanding that the 'more powerful' person in the family always get to sit at the front seat and i remember the countless times when we fought (despite the 9-year age gap) for it, reaching for the front door.

funny. are we the only siblings who think so?

in my dream, i was careful not to tear the pathways made of tape

2008-09-16T18:22:00.003+08:00

lx-3, is my new obsession

2008-09-16T15:36:00.003+08:00

and i cant take my hands of it

yay, my first design on a homepage

2008-09-12T14:04:00.003+08:00

more of the design can be viewed on my online portfolio (link on the right bar)

i curse you MANON SORA KOEST

2008-09-12T10:59:00.002+08:00

that you'll turn into an earthworm, no maybe a slimy looking blood sucking leech. and i hope that you'll suck the blood of someone who has AIDS.

this guy from CPG keeps changing the base plans that our firm's using for landscape design. Not only I have to update all the necessary CAD file, changes also have to be made to the Illustrator, Photoshop and InDesign files. This is my THIRD time changing the entire presentation booklet.

and today, at about 10 minutes ago, i received an email from this MANON,

'Hi Melanie,

There's a little more changes on road at plot t2 and t9. Please hold first for today, we'll send you the updated road later this afternoon. Sorry for that'

WHOA, this guy is really pushing my limits. He thinks i'm a computer or what! just programme the word CHANGE into my brain and my fingers will move AUTOMATICALLY all the way?! SORRY MY ASS

Hence I wrote a sticky note to my boss to complain about it, hoping that he would stand up for me.

damn this guy @ work

2008-09-05T11:36:00.002+08:00

always asking in front of everyone whether i'm free when he definitely knows that I AM. I'm sure he always checks my computer screen whenever he happens to walk within the vicinity of my working space.

IS IT MY FAULT THAT I FINISHED MY WORK EARLIER THAN PLANNED IN THE SCHEDULE?

HUH

DONT I DESERVE SOME SLACKING TIME FOR WORKING SO EFFICIENTLY?

HUH

and i think i just got caught writing this post by another colleague

2008-08-29T10:49:00.000+08:00

MEANIE?

2008-08-22T13:05:00.002+08:00

i know i give people really bad first impressions, most of my really close friends now didnt like me when they first met me.

but i wonder whether i'm a mean person

Oh please

2008-08-21T10:26:00.004+08:00

something irked me this morning on my way to work,
a flyer

and not just any flyer, but a PINK flyer saying 'there's actually something called FREE LUNCH'
and at the bottom of it, 'we're providing free lunch for the next 11 Tuesdays!'

i grew really suspicious, well, not that i wanted the free lunches anyway, and turned to the back of the flyer.

and my suspicion was justified as i glanced through the text and picked two words which more or less say everything about the flyer- God and bible

this is something that i really dont understand about Singapore, why is there such a dire need to convert people into Christianity? so much that people are using, in my opinion, shameful ways like free lunches to lure people to believe in Christ. I find that disgusting. I think even Christ himself will feel embarrased.

Seriously, just let people stumbled upon Him themselves. He knows what He's doing

2008-08-08T17:52:00.003+08:00

while i was busy making lame music videos with my housemates back in holland v, my cousin was actually featured in one of malaysia's tv programme, 8tv quickie.

she won the estee lauder model search for women above 31
http://www.8tv.com.my/Shows/EpHighlight.aspx?MasterID=34&ShowID=34&MenuID=2&SubMenuID=1&TemplateID=1&EpID=11173&VideoID=12216

this is what you get when you're born pretty. if not, just stay home and make lame music videos!

congrats priscilla! i bet little christian and alyssa are proud of their hot mum :)

am i advertising for a husband in friendster or what?!

2008-08-03T02:46:00.003+08:00

ok, i do get the occasional hi's and can we be friends messages, but this guy, he has certainly raised the bar:

good evening .just back home from work.eaten . how day for you ? drink plenty of water.mind be a friend ?.let me intro myself first ... Andy tian yi here, 23yrs old Singapore Chinese guy , height 1.72m n weight 60kg .Short profile of myself. Single.completed army last year sep . wrking in sale line for coke. Tend to care for others more. Tend to put others in first place be4 me. Tend to be truthful to others .wrking hard and hope to get my car licence so can drive mitsubishi lancer .love to eat dim sum and drink Soya bean.hardly club , maybe once a year ,no smoke .do sincerely hope you give me chance to know you more.sometime do help out in housechores . tend to always help others .always tend to care for others .do hope you give me a chance to let me know you more.hi . as i seldom log on to friendtser as my friendster got some problem . you can sms me at 82226779 if you don mind de .do sincerely hope you able to recieve your sms .next time am i allowed bring you go malaysia eat nice food ?do sincerely hope you give me a chance to know you more .

its my loss, really

yea, we had nothing better to do with our free time

2008-07-29T22:35:00.001+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmlZbBjxeYI

i was told by a friend this morning

2008-07-28T12:37:00.002+08:00

that i'm so caught up in my own 'love dome' that i've forgotten about the world?

is that true, i wonder.

its peeping Tom!

2008-07-21T17:12:00.002+08:00

my current desktop

2008-07-10T17:30:00.004+08:00

so sweet rite? yea, he can be really sweet sometimes :)

***

been staring at this music ball made of wood in Strangelets for more than a week now. i secretly think it has some mesmerising power, which never fails to captivate me EACH time i walk past it. cos seriously, its just a polished wooden ball that plays Mozart. why does it have to cost $195?

why?

i'm not sure why

2008-06-30T23:28:00.003+08:00

but there's something appealing about a man with a ring on his finger

TGIF

2008-06-20T14:38:00.002+08:00

my first week of work:
nice bosses, nice colleagues, cosy office, no late nights and still, i'm so looking forward to the weekend. i dread waking up at 8am every morning but to know that i can start my day with a little peck and a brief morning chat with him motivates me to drag my lazy ass and half-asleep brain out of the room.

i'm already thinking how i can escape the conventional routine of an architect, restricted by the standard number of hours a day, under the scrutiny of your supervisor or senior colleagues. HOW?

***

i'm moving house next weekend!

it wasnt just a dream

2008-05-26T23:20:00.000+08:00

I was laughing, trying to run away from two of my friends who were chasing after me from behind. Somehow we were in the school corridor, and light was filtering in through the strip of windows on my right. I could hear my friends’ laughter echoing their steps and I quickened my pace. A door flashed by and I caught a glimpse of the school guard outside. And suddenly I realized I was not running away from my friends anymore, but from that school guard who had fallen prey to our mischief. My friends finally caught up with me, and like normal teenage girls, we giggled and pushed each other playfully as we headed towards the canteen. I looked at them and I saw that they had no face but somehow it all felt right.
We ran up a flight of steps and past a group of boys who were walking out of the canteen. It was a brief encounter but I caught his eyes, looking at me with a smile which tightened my stomach into a knot I could not comprehend. I smiled back, and quickly ran into the canteen when my cheeks began to burn. The fluttering feeling went away as fast as it came. My friends were already in the queue, deciding what to have for lunch that day. I turned to the corner of the canteen and was surprised to see Sirijit and Wan-tsin, both classmates of mine back in secondary school, looking into the mirrors in the hands. Their faces seemed to glow and shimmer under the light, and as I approached them I noticed they had applied bottles of glitters on their cheeks. They looked pretty, I thought.
Suddenly, Honglynn was in front of me, talking away animatedly with dramatic hand gestures, as though she was trying to narrate an incident which occurred to her earlier on. I could not hear her no matter how hard I tried. Nevertheless I was smiling from ear to ear. Then, a familiar posture caught my eye, Robert. He was sitting at a table, eating with that very expression on his face and that very same hairstyle he had back in junior college, always acting as if he did not care about anything else but fun. Our gaze met, and he looked away, ignoring me as usual before I could wave and say hello. Still, I was not hurt by his act. I knew he was really sweet and nice inside.

It was the happiest day. I went back to the past, when life was free of responsibilities and commitments. When boys did not matter and friends were all around, giggling and laughing together. When we used to run around and bump into things and still it did not matter.

2008-05-24T00:00:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i think i think too much
and upset myself

how does dream define reality?

2008-05-16T02:23:00.002+08:00

" like how death defines life,

destruction defines creation,

despair defines hope,

desire defines hatred,

and destiny defines freedom "

-sandman volume seven

change is the only constant?

2008-04-28T02:25:00.004+08:00

it's true that change is inevitable and sometimes it'll catch us off-guard, whether we like it or not, but to say that change is the only constant in life seems pretty much arguable to me, although people around me and myself included have been experiencing a fair amount of changes lately. some may call it the quarter-life crisis, or whatever terms to justify their situations, one thing for sure, change is something everyone is apprehensive of, even when it's for the better. Because it forces us to leave our comfort zones and step into not only a world of uncertainties and doubts but also a world of opportunities and excitements, depending on which coloured lense you decide to put on for the day. as a creature of habit, my pessimistic nature never seemed to lose its dominance over its twin.

change comes in many forms and sizes, however, regardless of its size, it always manages to create an impact in our lives. Some people who've experienced it are never the same, and i really wonder whether it's occurance is necessary if not needed. whether it's something we can live without?

but then again, if not for change, humans will never learn to adapt and hence survive. so it is something that we cannot live WITHOUT. sigh..

and so i had a little conversation with the almost non-existent optimistic side of me about change. and i had to agree with her that change is NOT the only constant in life. admist its chaotic nature, there are other forces that are seemingly more orderly and constant, like how the sun always rises in the east and sets in the west. how the positive end of a magnet is always attracted to the negative and how the rain always falls from the sky to the ground and how bees are always attracted to honey. for that, we then have something to hold on to when we're experiencing the biggest change in our lives, that would shake us to the core and transform us. its not easy to go through, but just bear in mind that the constants are too, around us.

2008-04-25T01:32:00.003+08:00

Jika dunia
Aku yang punya
Akan ku dirikan
Sebuah syurga
Malam tanpa siang
Untuk ku bermimpi
Sepanjang masa
Tanpa kecewa
Bertemankan bintang yang setia

Bagaikan puteri
Kisah khayalan
Yang hidupnya suci dan sempurna
oh...Tapi sayang
Hanyalah impian
Bulan tak bisa tumbuh ditaman
Dan bila mentari datang
Pulanglah segala kenyataan

Jika dunia
Aku yang punya
Akan kuhiaskan
Sepasang sayap Putih dan berseri
Untukku kemudi
Sepanjang masa
Tanpa kecewa
Bertemankan bintang yang setia

i only wish i could translate this song to english without changing too much of its meaning, but i think no matter what, it'll still be different. so i just didnt bother haha.

and this is totally unrelated but it's been happy 9 months:

why msn is not for family members

2008-04-21T16:10:00.002+08:00

mel-perfect sunday with that perfect someone

i had to change my msn nick 5 minutes later because my aunt decided to send me a msg,
'hmmm out with tat special someone ya!'

i felt like i'm beginning to lose the freedom of expressing myself in msn nicks as the number of family members on my list increases from 3 to 20. four days ago, my aunt asked me whether i still have faith in God and three days ago, my godfather added me unto his list. what's next?
*gulp*

as much as we're really close as a family, i've never really discussed my personal life be it friends or relationships with any of my family members. Maybe they just want to feel young again and for that i cant blame them. but i also cant deny the discomfort knowing the possibilities of them knowing a little too much than they should. cos family members worry a lot. that's what they do. they worry.

what happened to ignorance is bliss??

2008-04-12T02:19:00.002+08:00

Meet me in outer space
We could spend the night, watch the earth come up
I've grown tired of that place, won't you come with me?
We could start again
****
come on la mel says:
i cant stop thinkin abt it
come on la mel says:
my head's really aching
May says:
no la mel.. dun scare yourself..

****

yea, don't scare myself. but i'm feeling really restless. i know i shdn't have done it. out of impulse, which is not always a good thing. not my kinda thing. and i worry about the point where everything snaps, whether i've reached or worse, accelerated it.

****
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew
****
4 panels done, 2 more to go but i cant concentrate. my head's being a bitch, aching the whole night away while i wait, hopeful for my phone to beep the 'uh-oh'

****
Meet me in outer space
I will hold you close, if you're afraid of heights
I need you to see this place, it might be the only way
that I can show you how
It feels to be inside you
****
its his favourite song. and mine.
and then it came ' just forget about it.. its ok'
cold

****
You are stellar
How do you do it?
make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
its better than I ever knew
****
at least he replied. i wondered whether i was overreacting to the whole situation, i mean, women are territorial creatures anyway. so its natural for one to get defensive if she fears her territory is invaded, although there will be times that its not really the case. it shows that she cares. A LOT.

****

May says:
cos really la mel.. you arent in the wrong..
May says:
sigh i dunno la.. i would had been in a dilemma is i were you too la

****
i'm not? am i?

****
come on la mel says:
at least he replied
May says:
=)

****
How do you do it?Make me feel like I do.

How do you do it?Make me feel like I do.

****
yea, how do you do it?

and my head's still aching. i wonder whether its an situational-allergy reaction.

past and present

2008-03-29T19:30:00.004+08:00

today, his past met his present, who may even be his future
and was pleasantly surprised that the present is so sweet and polite
and it was almost impossible not to like her

what does privacy really mean?

2008-03-26T01:11:00.004+08:00

i'm beginning to find private blogs particularly appealing lately, not that i've been invited to anyone else's but wooimin's, but the mere idea of it somehow makes the blog a little bit more interesting to people who are actually out of the loop. not only does it impart a sense of exclusiveness but also the issue of boundary as in where to draw the line between sharing your thoughts with the world and your circle of friends.

and so i ponder, what are the possible reasons for one to privatise his or her blog? is it true that
as one's thoughts get more personal and intimate, the mind also gets more insecure subsequently? hence justifying the need to cut other people from your life? or does the writer has a secret so deep that it becomes a burden to keep it in her heart and blogging becomes a possible channel of release? like a closet of secrets. i find the irony of a privatised blog seemingly amusing, its like another way of saying, 'hey i have a secret, but i'm not telling you what it is'

which brings me to another point of whether secrecy is overrated in our society. how many times have we heard of, ' hey, i'm actually not supposed to tell you this, so just pretend you don't know anything' ? the threshold of secrecy is without a doubt, questionable, nowadays.
just look at postsecrets.com and the underlying reason for their popularity and success. that should have given anyone a hint.

words

2008-03-21T01:34:00.002+08:00

and so she said: but the world doesn't revolve around me you see
and then he said: my world does

thoughts and more thoughts

2008-03-16T01:15:00.007+08:00

sometimes i wonder how can some people be so explicit in expressing their feelings and love towards their partners in blogs, msn nicks and such. reading some of these mushy posts, i find myself smiling at such sweetness i can never portray so publicly. i was watching this episode on october road in which a girl wishes that wormholes and parallel universe really exist, and that there're many other versions of her in other universes doing things she'd never be in her life.

and i secretly shared her thoughts.

maybe from the way i was brought up, showing affection openly was never a common thing even among immediate family members. and i really wonder how it would feel to be one of those girls who'd admit not only to herself but everyone else in the planet with all the trust in her heart that she's fallen head over heels for a guy, like a blog entry from one of my dearest friends:

I believe good things come to those who wait.I'll be waiting ...to wake up to your morning kisses and your warm hugs again.Someday.Somewhere.Soon

such immense optimism, warmth and faith that it scares me a little haha

anyway, i decided to treat myself to a book after earning a bit from my past freelance jobs. I watched the movie on cinema before and fell in love almost instantly with the simple black and white illustrations which convey so much underlying meanings. a classic example of less is more. unfortunately, the illustrations in the book were more comical and simplistic as compared to the movie. i love it nonetheless :) presenting to you, persepolis!

thoughts

2008-02-24T21:28:00.001+08:00

stellar

2008-02-24T03:02:00.003+08:00

his artwork, haha, which never failed to make me smile. happy 7th baby

on a side note, my tutor replied to my email regarding my topic for dissertation and it brightened up my day to know that my topic does not sound stupid to him and he's willing to work with me if i'm interested to choose him as my supervisor:

Dear Melannie,

You are going out next year but you may always work with me for the dissertation. The topics that you suggested falls into my research. (I did not present my entire scope of research in the lecture.) Two topics seem related as the Diagram that you are talking about is a particular one that works as generative force in terms of design. Please contact me if you are interested in -- we can discuss on the reference that you can start reading.

Best

Tsuto

YAY!

passion

2008-02-20T22:14:00.004+08:00

i was watching IHG soccer finals between TH and EH this evening when this word kept popping in my mind every now and then as i watched the players playing their hearts out on the field. The expression on their faces spelt p-a-s-s-i-o-n and for a moment i was struck by the immense intensity and determination displayed. and i tried recalling the last time i had such great passion for something. the time when i knew what i truly wanted and how to strive for it.

passion makes people put a test to their limits. it makes people discover new boundaries they never knew existed and it keeps the adrenaline going. passion is highly contagious when you're at the highest point and it bonds people who share it together. however, once you've reached that peak, you'll realise that passion is something that needs to be fed constantly. and if you dont have what it takes to keep going, it will suck the energy out of you and leave you gasping for air.

i guess the bottom line is that i really marvel at these people who are capable of sustaining their passion throughout. at the same time i'm also distraught by the fact that i'm now jaded by the very same thing i was so passionate about a few years back. and how do i find my way back to it. and what if i dont.

horse + zebra =

2008-02-12T01:51:00.001+08:00

these images are not photoshopped, if you're wondering

2008-01-31T23:30:00.000+08:00

my online portfolio can be found at

2008-01-22T02:15:00.000+08:00

http://freelancethesign.multiply.com/

i'm still in the middle of posting up all my projects cos school's been a little too busy these few weeks. Hope you guys can take a look at it and please feel free to drop any comments. Thanks :)

brand new year

2008-01-10T14:07:00.000+08:00

i realised this blog has been dead for quite a while now. Sometimes i feel like i have so much to say to everyone but once i sign in into blogspot, my mind turns blank and i either end up closing the window or try churning out a few words to describe what i'm feelin at that moment. Perhaps writing is really not my thing.

anyway,a happy new year to everyone.

well, some people see the brand new year as an opportunity to try new things, to make amends, to find someone new etc but i see it as how i see all the previous years,

'its just another year'

haha..its the pessimist talking again. Not that my last year was bad or anything, i just feel that sometimes its a little overrated. Certainly you do not need a brand new year to make new resolutions or set new goals in life, do you. The 1st of january 2008 was not any different from the 31st of december 2007, being 24 hours apart from each other. Maybe that is why i stopped making new year resolutions and started making just resolutions, haha.

life has been good to me so far, despite a few bitter intances along the way. I have great friends, family and achievements, and most importantly that someone special who loves and cares for me always. So i can say i'm pretty happy and contented with my life, although i know it can be better.

anyway,i'm planning to start another blog real soon and it's solely for building up my design portfolio. If any of you guys know of someone who needs freelance designer, please please recommend me! i'll post the address once i have one.

current

2007-11-28T14:31:00.000+08:00

"row, row, row your boat

gently down the stream

merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

life is but a dream"

http://www.vladimirkush.com/editions.php

the appeal of the surreal returns.. (it never left actually)

2007-11-23T18:41:00.000+08:00

Mother Nature 1

What Have I Become?

http://www.lombergar.com/

exhibition at vivo city- exploring architecture, design and technology in switzerland

2007-11-22T00:40:00.000+08:00

happened to notice this exhibition from switzerland in vivo today and i must say,
the designs displayed were really cool! some were pretty conceptual and non-structural
but heck with all the structure and detail and buildability shit.. these models were really
inspiring, at least to me. some of them had the spatial quality i've been trying damn hard
to create in my designs
over the past few years.. no, even better actually.

much better.

my spaces pale in comparison to theirs. no where close.

too bad i only had my phone with me, so the photos arent very clear.

saw joseph lim there too, so engrossed in taking photos of the models that he didnt hear me shouting his name. when he finally heard me, he turned to me and said, "i think we should start getting rid of our conventional studios,
and start getting more of these kind of workshops in. what do you think?"

and i told him,"sir, this is already my fourth year. should've done that earlier"

anyway these are some of the models exhibited:

some of their exploration models

simple only from the outside

exploration of forms

jiajie said this model was so nice that even he had to take a photo of it

these two models are my favourite, never seen any like these in NUS before

cool stuff heh

use me to climb to the top

2007-11-20T01:10:00.001+08:00

my dog came to life

2007-11-19T19:15:00.000+08:00

was walking around in Orchard a couple of days ago when i saw this event held in front of Taka by the SPCA. so me being a dog-lover wouldnt miss a chance of looking at all the dogs they have there. it was the highlight of my day when i saw a really beautiful golden retriever and a husky sitting side-by-side. That's like my ultimate dream come true as they're both my favourites.

so after a while, i got bored with all the spca ppl trying to preach about abandoned pets and all and decided to walk away. and that's when i saw him (well, could be her too, i didnt check)

the resemblance was just too striking. the size, colour, height and tail. and to note that my dog was not
a pure breed of any kind. i felt as though my dog came to life and there he was,
standing in front of me, waiting to be hugged. and i got pretty emotional when it struck me how much i missed him. and no matter what, i'll never be able to get him back. i cursed the neighbour again.

anyway, this is a picture of my late dog:

well, they might be really similar physically but i'll never forget the way he used to look at me, with that innocent expression on his face and of course the bond we shared.

(forgive me for this cheesy post, i'm feeling all emotional again)

distracted

2007-11-09T01:40:00.000+08:00

.

.i'm. just. so. distracted.

.

its the 2nd mel

2007-11-02T02:27:00.000+08:00

date: 3rd november 2006
action: pasted a hand-drawn birthday card on her door, happy birthday wong!!
reaction: MEL! my birthday is on the 2nd! not 3rd!

date: 1st november 2007
action: called her at 12 am sharp, happy birthday wong!!
reaction: MEL! omg.. please call me back tomorrow

seriously, what's with me and the 2nd of november?

'happy birthday best friend :) '

something i cant get out my head

2007-10-28T15:47:00.000+08:00

two days ago, i attended my secondary school gathering to meet one of my friends who was on a visit in singapore. so people started to talk and catch up, you know the usual stuff, and one of my classmates whom i havent seen since the last day of school in mg asked me what course i was in. so this was how the conversation went:

her: and you.. how are you? havent heard from you for ages
me: haha.. yea.. i'm ok.. what are you doing now?
her: oh.. i graduated from ( i forgot where) and i'm currently doing some research-based project in the biopolis
me: oh wow.. that's really cool
her: so what about you?
me: oh, i'm still studying
her: yea.. i mean what are you studying
me: oh haha.. erm i'm doing architecture
her: architecture?? oh wow..
me: (smiles)
her: like who does architecture now rite!
me: (smiles......)

honestly, i still cant tell whether she was being sarcastic or genuinely impressed

i want my wedding photo to look like..

2007-10-27T01:22:00.000+08:00

THIS!

ok without taking into consideration that i cant pose for nuts and i dont look half as good as her haha
but its definitely cool
even if its the groom in the picture

submission's in 15days-22hours-and-30minutes' time
so please, eat and shop and play all you want for now
cos after this its just purely work and haggard-looking faces

how sweet it is to be loved by you~

2007-10-23T01:30:00.001+08:00

happy 3rd honey :)

just

2007-10-19T23:37:00.001+08:00

waiting

take a break

2007-10-06T16:02:00.000+08:00

sometimes i feel my life passes me by too quickly
and i hardly have the chance to stop and catch up with my breath

sometimes i look around me only to see how others are taking it slow
enjoying every step, every phase, making me yearn to lead their lives

my life is mine to create
and mine to destroy
but i cant even tell whether i've done one or the other
because i simply choose not to have the time
to step back and evaluate

and now here i am
admist all the deadlines and submissions
feeling nothing but regret that i've made my path this way
and whether it is time for me to just
take a break

staying away from all of you is more difficult than i thought

how now brown cow- in singapore!

2007-09-26T20:04:00.000+08:00

yep.. it has been my nick on msn for the past few days.
looking at all the photos posted up by those who went on exchange, it is IMPOSSIBLE not to feel sore for being stuck here.. on this tiny tiny island with no barcelona pavilion, calatrava bridges, sydney opera house or gothic cathedrals watsoever. nope.

why oh why didnt my parents allow me to go for exchange, why oh why cant i be just a little richer.

what's worse, there's just so much to be done that most of us are basically stuck in studio.. yes our lovely studio. but i guess we as architecture students have to make the most of what we have and enjoy our time spent or the suicide rates might just shoot up high high above the sky.

so we did a little travelling during this break despite the amount of work we have.

DAY ONE! Blur Building by Diller and Scofido, Switzerland

DAY TWO! Guggenheim Museum by Gehry, Bilbao

DAY THREE! The Louvre Entrance by IM Pei, France

DAY FOUR! Kimbell Museum by Louis Kahn, Texas

DAY FIVE! Burj Al Arab, Dubai -Wow were we exhausted by today.

why i have eyebags

2007-09-04T23:23:00.001+08:00

its 10 days to the first interim crit

2007-08-30T22:31:00.000+08:00

and i have NOTHING

in a world where turtles no longer swim

2007-08-30T00:20:00.001+08:00

that's where i want to be

a belated birthday 'dinner'- chocolate buffet at fullerton

2007-08-28T18:46:00.000+08:00

the wine tasted really gd with chocolate

i enjoyed this the most

got sick of strawberry in chocolate after tt

someone cant resist to dig in before i could take a decent picture of it

so many to choose from

a hug at last

the T.H.I.E.F

2007-08-16T22:19:00.000+08:00

a gift for my uncle

2007-08-05T22:56:00.001+08:00

it's where he grew up
so i guess it means a lot to him since it's alrd been torn down
havent drew in ages so this was pretty difficult, it took me 3 days

he was nothing but loyal to me

2007-08-04T00:13:00.000+08:00

and yet i wasnt there with him during his very last breath

to the 'person' who whacked half the life out of my dog only to let him suffer days after, I WISH THE SAME HAPPENS TO YOU

Malaysia and the club of doom- the collapse of the Islamic countries

2007-07-31T00:21:00.000+08:00

yes, that's the title of the book i'm reading at the moment ( i have my geeky moments) and to be frank, i'm surprised that this book is not banned in Malaysia since the author (who's a muslim) wrote nothing else but the helpless and backward state of the Muslims everywhere and how much hatred they have towards the non-muslims. hmm, maybe soon.
considering that these views are coming from a muslim himself, it really spiced things up a little as he freely condems how the religious scholars misintepreted the quran and made ridiculous rules based on it. below is a comment written by a non-muslim observer which the author has included in his book, bear with me, its really pretty interesting

The bug really wanted to fly out into the beautiful garden but instead the bug only moved around the periphery of the section to which it had become attached. Then it would crawl diagonally, fly in desperation only to crash against the deceptive transparency of the glass.

The bug was obviously a prisoner of his frame of reference. If freedom was his object, an escape passage was readily accessible at the bottom of the window. But not able to question his instinct and bereft of reason, his behaviour became blinded to his real options. He ended up in frustration, fury and futility.

Just like the bug the Muslims are caught up in the limitations of their own frame of reference. The Muslims are squandering resources in wealth, manpower and human energy in a misguided quest for Islamic development, Islamic power, Islamic influence and maybe Islamic conquest.

i'm not trying to spark off anything here but i really admire the author's courage for writing a book which reveals all the weaknesses and problems of his own religion. Like i said earlier, I'm really surprised they havent conducted a mass burning of this publication. Maybe Malaysia is moving forward after all.

enough of miserable posts!

2007-07-17T10:05:00.001+08:00

too many of them lately and its making me feel pathetic haha
3 days to end of work!
yay

looking forward to the weekend :)

just for a split second

2007-07-11T00:36:00.000+08:00

i felt that nothing's changed
nothing's ever happened
and i was living in the past once again

memory's the most difficult company to live with

2007-07-08T23:48:00.000+08:00

there were 5 of them

but only one was left behind

jun left today

2007-06-29T00:37:00.000+08:00

'nuff said

a day at work

2007-06-08T16:16:00.000+08:00

hey, i'm pretty free today. Maybe today i can finally help one of the landscape architects and learn how they design. after all, that's what i wanted to do this break.. yay!

mel: Hi XXX, i'm free the whole day today. Do you need help cos I heard from another
intern that you have a lot of projects goin on concurrently at the moment
xxx: oh.. um yea.. let me think of something for you to do

yay good!

xxx: do you know how to use photoshop?
mel: yep
xxx: you know how to cut?
mel: yep
xxx: ok.. good. i need you to help me cut out all THESE different types of trees in THESE
folders. i might need them in future
mel: all? okay..
xxx: sorry i know its a boring job

more like brainless to death

so ppl, if you need trees in your project, you know who to look for

heaven

2007-05-31T00:56:00.000+08:00

Once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you're feelin' down

eu ann in singapore

2007-05-03T19:14:00.000+08:00

yep.. eu ann came to visit a few days ago and it's really good to know that we're still the same on the inside after being apart for 3 years or so. still as crazy and retarded as ever heh haha.
to the other malaccans who're reading this, its YOUR turn now to come and see us!

peacock

2007-04-30T02:52:00.000+08:00

its a freelance job recommended by my tutor for a friend of his who's opening a new shop selling cuisine somewhere.
Her theme was peranakan so i decided to choose the combination of gold and black, which is pretty different from the other colourful floral designs she's planning to have.
wanted it to stand out a little, at the same time not clashing with the other patterns
I took 2 full days to finish it, almost broke my neck
and i'm pretty satisfied with it.
I hope she will be too haha.
I shall keep my fingers crossed
and i bet you can see where i got the inspiration from

wonders of nature

2007-04-28T17:29:00.000+08:00

so pure and beautiful

3 old men

2007-04-25T20:55:00.000+08:00

was waiting for the bus to get to the library this afternoon when i saw these 3 old men, talking among themselves. then i thought they looked familiar. then i realised i've seen them before at the bus stop not too long ago. one of them was chinese, the other two being malay and indian. seeing them walking and chit chatting among themselves made me feel like i was part of some advertisement on racial harmony day haha.
anyway, the last time i saw them, the malay and the indian were trying to trick the chinese into taking a small bite from a tree branch, lying to him that the branch had medicinal value. after minutes of persuassion, the chinese finally succumbed to it and spat out the chunk of wood in his mouth after realising it was merely a joke. i couldnt help laughing along. they're just so cute.

today, the indian was teaching both the chinese and the malay how to say a set of numbers in tamil.

if only life can always be that simple :)

it's horrible that i got picked for RIBA

2007-04-24T02:35:00.000+08:00

but its also comforting to hear so many well wishes from all of you
especially those who offered to pray for me.
i'm no religious person but i know that the gesture is definitely something worth remembering in the mind and the heart
thanks guys :)

poser

2007-04-21T20:43:00.000+08:00

ok i admit i look pretty poser in this shot but!
i was basically trying to show the new pair of shades i bought today
and i'm extremely happy with it cos...
its CHEAP.
yes i'm a cheapo.

stress is a bad thing

2007-04-17T22:14:00.000+08:00

whatever the cause is, stress is definitely a bad thing.
it made me raise my voice when i was talkin to my mum and i feel like SHIT now.
and what's worse, my mum was actually not feeling very well.
i seriously feel HORRIBLE.

***

stress makes one feel that perhaps going to Bali isnt the best of choice.

and it makes one feel tired to resolve whatever that's needed to be resolved.

and it makes one stop going for studio sessions and give up on submission.

and it makes one feel like quitting architecture

and its really depressing to see after years of working together, they decided to give up and just leave

***

and to those who have really high expectation of me, i suggest that you guys stop. cos at the end of the day, when you realise i cant fulfill your expectations, you'll be disappointed and you'll let it out on me.

and it'll affect me deeply.

another submission over

2007-04-15T15:54:00.000+08:00

yep submission's finally over and i've been sleeping non-stop after that. in fact i'm feeling sleepy at the very moment i'm typing this. anyway, the semester had been pretty fun i must say, despite all the expected stress from work. now that it's over, it's time to start applying for internships during the holidays haha and feel tired all over again working. Aki people always has this distinct look caused by our hectic schedule. you can recognise it even from afar.

ok la, in short i meant aki people are always so haggard looking.

anyway, for my friends who have no idea what i was busy with this whole semester, i posted a few photos of my project. its a theatre for asian marionette. the model is not 100% complete (no trees and stairs) but i'm too lazy to finish it. so i'm just hoping the crit tutors wouldnt notice it haha

and this is my favourite panel out of the 6 we're required to produce. green is my new obsession!

crit's tomorrow and i hope it'll go well for everyone. all the best peeps

i'm happy! that

2007-04-11T00:02:00.000+08:00

1) the colour of my prints turned out well the second time round!
2) i did my laundry (although i kinda tore the laundry bag) and cleaned my room!
3) i cut my nails!
4)submission's 50% over! hence one step closer to freedom!
5) i'll be going to the zoo or night safari with mandy too! haha after the submission for models on friday!
6) i'll be eating good food again and not see the caterer's face in hall!
7) i'll be watching grey's anatomy again!

fuh.. exclaiming can be pretty tiring sometimes haha
but..

I'M HAPPY!