Settling?

I had a conversation with some of my girlies not too long ago on their worst fears. One of them said that her biggest fear is not finding true love and settling with a man who just happens to be in her life at the right time (in this context, the ‘right’ time means the time when all women are pressured to get married). We then continued to question what is true love?  How would you know when you have found your true love? What if the whole notion of true love does not exist? What if life is all about coincidences and not fate?

First of all, I would like to point out that there is a huge difference between settling down and settling. There are many out there who seem to think that when their friends have chosen the path to settle down, they are in fact settling in life.  In my definition, settling down means that you have reached the point in life where you are ready to build a family, to have a slower pace in life and get grounded. The point where you are more than happy to give up the life of late night clubbings and weekends of hangovers, the point where you are just contented even when you are practically doing nothing at home. Now settling, on the other hand, means you are just accepting what life offers on its silver tray even though you know the dish on the tray is totally not for you. The dish could be job opportunities, lovers and even friends. In this modern society, the majority of us know that freedom, independence and equality are three important qualities to have in life. We know we always have choices and we should not settle.

So why is it that we should not settle?

Of course, we should not settle because we know that we deserve the best for ourselves. We should not settle because… why should we? Why should we accept something that will not make us happy? Why should we tolerate someone who does not match the criteria of our dream guy? 

But, is that all?

To me, the most devastating part about settling is thinking that you have done a good deal of sacrifice by staying in the relationship and not breaking your partner’s heart. Your partner who may have thought that you are giving your all just as how he/she is giving his/her all in the relationship, only to find out the hard truth that you have actually settled for him/her. If you have indeed done that in your life, I urge that you rethink your whole situation because it is not a sacrifice but more of a stab from the back.

So the fear, as described by one of my girlies, is actually very tangible and real. While there is nothing wrong with settling down, there is everything wrong with just settling. Do not be afraid to turn down opportunities and offers if they do not interest you, do not be afraid to stay single if you truly feel you have not found the right person because when you settle, you are imposing a limit to yourself and the ones around you.