I was struck by my aunt's words when I had the chance to visit and catch up with her over the recent CNY holiday. Those words spoke so much truth that most parents would cringe in denial just listening to them. For me, it was like an epiphany. One that suddenly makes sense out of every conflict, argument and even fall-out I have heard happening between parents and children over the past years.
How often do we hear arguments which go on like this:
'I don't get it, why can't you understand?!'
'This is my house! When you are back here, you abide by my rules!'
'Then I wish I never came back!'
And both parties end up hurt at the end of the day.
I totally get it why parents want their little princes or princesses to never grow up and change. They want their children exactly as they were when they last saw them, when they still knew their children's favourite colour, favourite movie, favourite person. When they still recognize their children's innocence and when they still feel they are needed. It's a bubble which most parents have, which they refuse to accept when that bubble is eventually burst.
Change is inevitable. Like what we all know, it is the only constant in life. Parents must learn to accept that their children will grow and evolve to adapt to their surroundings and as parents, they too will need to change to adapt to their evolving children. They must learn to give space to their children to discover their own identities and purpose in life. And most importantly, parents must learn to let go and start enjoying their lives for no one else but themselves. After all, haven't they sacrificed enough?
I admire my aunt for admitting that she had to learn to understand her son all over again after he left home for his studies. I admire how she acknowledged it and embraced it with open arms. I hope one day I too will be able to do that.
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